I still cry.
I am still hurt. It has been a month of tears and questions and here I am, still suffering from something I don't deserve. Tongue-tied by the reason he gave me, I had no choice but to accept it. I told myself not to hate him, but understand and be open-minded.
Looking back at the memories we've shared together, I can say that we have been great friends, but I guess we were not good enough as lovers. Maybe we just have irreconcilable differences that may have contributed to the break up. I still don't know the reason why he suddenly gave up on me when i have so much faith on him. I am still unsure of my feelings, because waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful as well, but not knowing which one to do is the worst kind of suffering. Quoting from A Cinderella Story, "Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing."
I am very much hurt because I love him truly. I have expected so much from him because I knew him as a loving, caring, good, reliable, understanding, and God fearing friend. So I thought that he would love me in a way that would double those traits. But I was wrong, I never knew him as my lover, he was just different.
I wouldn't blame the distance, because I strongly believe that it does not hinder
two individuals that are so much in love from being in touch. I believe that if you truly love someone, you will work out something that has gone wrong in your relationship. In our case, he made the decision without hearing my side. He dropped me like a careless man throwing a candy wrapper in public, not considering people who saw him.--not considering my feelings at all.
BUT, just like what I said, I will continue being open-minded. Maybe he has deeper reasons, or maybe no reason at all. I may not be in love with him anymore, but what happened between us just created a deeper love and concern for him.
Like in the song, "It must have been love, but it's over now...it must have been good, but I lost him somehow." From my experience, I have learned so well that it is never wrong to fall in love, but anything too much, too soon, is not good. I am not closing doors because I am open to all possibilities. But for now, I'm going to help myself move on and let go fully.
