Man-Nila Four

How can I even forget that painful, heart racing yet awesome slides. It will be fun waking up to the fact that just a few steps from your door, slides will be welcoming you with its beaming colors,  urging you to swoop down along those twirls, as you try not to think too hard of how freezing the water is.

This is a resort in Baguio City where our last reunion before my grandmother died was held. Truly, truly unforgettable.

Now I'm Thankful

                                An Excerpt from a Self-Analysis written in November 2012.

                For a change of topic, this time was when I started to fall in love. Yes, yes, puppy love as you may prompt. But young love is very vibrant, naïve, and simply happy. Falling in love with a person close to his Creator is no doubt one of the attributes I favor. That was in first year, and he knew that. In fact, it was mutual. But then again, young love has a fickle mind, and not so long the mutual understanding was cut. Two years after though, he courted me and maybe first love never dies, huh?

            We were a couple during the second semester of fourth year high school. What’s even more motivating is the fact that both our parents know about it and they are very supportive. Oh how I was walking on air that time. He was simply who I wanted to marry.

            I decided to stay in AUP to pursue my college degree and enrolled in Bachelor of Science in Nursing. No, I wasn’t forced. And yes, it was what I have always dreamed of.

            The sad part though was when after graduation, he decided to study in Mindanao. Discussing this with him so many times led me to sleepless nights and wet pillows. See, have I mentioned that I am a crybaby or the most sensitive girl you may have known? Well, I didn’t want the idea of a long distance relationship because most often than not, the relationship suffers and the couple splits. However, we managed to enjoy eight good months of being together at heart though the waters of the ocean separate us. Yes, we broke up in August 2010.

            Not entirely a month after a tearful breakup, my grandmother died. My grandmother who’s the reason why my family and the rest of the clan are very close. My dearest grandmother who has lived her life serving others not out of duty but because of love. My dearly missed grandmother whose presence I will always long for, who has left a legacy of love to her children and to her grandchildren. My Lola who we all love very much. Yes, she died at 80 years old, Cerebrovascular Accident. Everyone’s in tears.

            These two big events that happened in two months were the greatest factors that influenced how I deal with loss, stress and depression. Those were the times I was deep down hurt and has grabbed the opportunity to get to know my Creator even more. It was in these moments of breaking down that I come to worship Him and show Him how weak I was and how much I needed Him. These two events strengthened my faith, these two painful events I am now thankful for.

            Now that I am eighteen, enjoying the pressure and privilege of studying my chosen course, I can say that I have grown to be responsible student. I believe this is because I love what I am learning and I delight in the practice.

            I am very positive about life now. Eighteen. I know how to cook, I drive, I know basic nursing skills, I practice first aid, I do health teaching, I come to church and worship God, I had developed best friendships, I had learned to love and to let go. Eighteen. Must be a very satisfying year for me, not only did I experience the sweetest life, but I had determinedly fought through the trials that came along the way. And again, indeed, God is good.

beautiful goodbye

stymied

Suddenly I'm in love with the uncertainty, and I think I'm ready and willing to release the familiar. Suddenly I'm thrilled with the unknown. With the setbacks or delays that come along with life, it just sets up the mood for a fasten-your-seatbelt ride. It's like wherever the road takes me, I'm able to adapt, even when I'm never assured of what's going to happen next. 

In my opinion, surviving a trial proves only two points: First is the strength you had from Christ, despite your weakness; and secondly, the provision and grace of the One you have trusted to get through it all. 

Isaiah 55:8,9 "My plans arent your plans, nor are your ways, says the LORD. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my plans than your plans."

I've figured that even though I couldnt comprehend His ways, trust is all He is wanting from me. After all, my understanding of God's plan isn't essential, my obedience is.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

blaaaah

The reason why I dont stop writing on my diary is that I want to evaluate each day; of how I've handled things, or of how I've met few people, or how I reacted to circumstances. It's like for every entry, I should make sure that I have gathered a heart of wisdom, somehow during the day. Because there should be at least one part of the day that made you realize something about life. Having a diary for the purpose of self-evaluation is, for me, a good way to see who you are in the walk of life. Every new day gives different and many opportunities: to read the Bible, to cook for the family, to drive a long way, to give alms, to eat a lot, to watch a movie, to smile and to do things we often do; and all we have to do is take chances and learn..a lot. Because each day is a lesson, and you have it one day at a time and is never again repeated.

Love from Parents

ALWAYS, we find ourselves chasing freedom from our parents' embrace. OFTEN we fail to remember their sacrifices. SOMETIMES, we settle for only receiving their love and not giving what is due them. SELDOM do we appreciate their efforts. BUT have we ever noticed, have we ever understood the value of a parent's love? Have we actually thought that we could NEVER EVER repay them?


ALWAYS, we get lectures out of a parent's concern. Lectures about mistakes, life and how we should live it. OFTEN we see them tired from a day's work. Working hard to get us to prestigious universities. SOMETIMES they get real mad. Mad for always having to tell us to obey. SELDOM they dont understand, because they do, all the time, no matter how disrespectful we might be. These are traits of parents who NEVER fail to believe in us, NEVER stop to love us, and will NEVER EVER leave us.

Yes, our parents are never perfect and there is no way for them to be one; but they got million ways to show us how very fortunate we are to have them.

Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

Thoughts on a cold afternooooooon

A toast to carpe diem.

Today's expected activity is to run on a sandy, heated area. I planned to get bruised from over running, and get burnt under the sun. The chance to seize the day is a gift from God. To be openly altruistic. To smile even more, no matter what. But reality sets in, today is welcomed with a rainy, windy, love-to-sleep atmosphere. It sets in a homey mood. So i went as planned, running under the rain and luckily not falling over and getting bruised. Thinking now, I actually remember smiling while getting my hair wet a little as i leapt across the puddle on the way to my college building.

Today too, is the 89th of the 366 days in year 2012. Yep, and i got myself in front of the laptop, hugging my 14yr old teddy bear, typing this cliche. Life is really really short to spend on plainly nothing. If the day gives you nothing to do, then think.

Think of the things that brought you to where you are, or appreciate the people you have when you experienced the happiest and worst of your existence. Randomly pick a number, let's say 3, then check the saved messages on your phone, and read the third one. Who knows, the message might light up your day again, or the sender might be thinking of you at that moment. Again, who knows? When the day got even boring try to remember the chuckle you let out when you thought that rain makes you lazy and stops you from taking a bath. Or why not, spend hours hibernating under the comfortable, dry, and warm sheets. It's a matter of getting satisfied with what little or what abundance you have.

You see "life is the messy bits," quoting from Letters to Juliet, and I agree. This is your life at the moment, and you're reading this, and you have to think of what exactly makes you whole. Not happy, but WHOLE. Remember that your life isn't just the happy moments, comes with it are those that left you crying in pain agonizing over whatever you perceived is painful. That's what's making you whole. When it gives you pleasure to remember the sweet memories, you got to look at the painful ones as well, 'cause that's what built you up. It's a balance, and you have to live in awe of how GOD is behind every good thing.

And to live in awe is to seize the day, whatever the day brings you. To seize the day is to be openly thankful of all things, and doing what you want that is especially benefiting others.TODAY, is RIGHT NOW...and RIGHT NOW is your LIFE. What are you still doing?

No case yet? We'll see about that later today.

It's 6:43 in the morning.

Last night until about 2:30 am today, I was busy preparing for case presentation. Acting as the leader of the group gives me authority to demand and give them due dates for their assigned work, but I didn't. Because all four of us shouldn't be blamed for this late preparation.

Ample time of preparation for our case presentation wasn't given to my group. My groupmate got this case at Ospital ng Muntinlupa last thursday, but other school handled the patient. So it was agreed upon that he will handle this patient the next day, but unfortunately, he wasn't able to come to duty due to some reasons. So the clinical instructor asked me to be the one to handle the patient today--an extra duty for me.

Sleeping at 2:30 am and waking up at 4 was a hassle to me. I prayed and asked God for strength, because I lack sleep. I asked Him to just let me stay calm whatever may happen at the hospital today. I prayed for the patients, and for myself as well. "I do not know how this day will end Lord, but I'm starting it with a prayer." I surrendered myself to Him before I ended my prayer. I am stressed so much, but I'll do everything I can in order to finish the preparations within 2 days, and make the case presentation possible. The rest I couldn't handle, I lift up to HIM.

So I came to school and waited for the coaster that will bring us to the hospital until past 5 am, only to find out that duty is already cancelled because we're all late for endorsement. No extra duty for me= no handle of the patient=no case to be approved=no case presentation=supposed panic. But I didn't. Had no choice anyway, why would I fret?

Arrived home feeling pretty much exhausted, washed my face and dropped belly down to my bed. Oops, I thought, there's something I forgot to do, read from today's devotional. As I rose from the bed to get the book, I whispered a short prayer and asked God to speak to me through the message.

GOD never fails. The messaged was about one thing we can change--our attitude. That no matter what the circumstance is, it's how we deal with it matters. Good thing, I thought, that I asked God to keep me calm today.

This time, all I need is sleep. Praise God for an assurance that if your day didn't turn out the way you want it to be, He has a better plan in mind. Peace amidst Chaos. No case yet? We'll see about that later today.

What Strangers Do

Yesterday's duty at Ospital ng Muntinlupa:

I was assigned to an 8-yr old patient whose latest diagnosis is TB Meningitis. I received her awake and was lying on bed, in an upright position. She has no fever. Assessing her overall appearance only revealed sluggish eyes with delayed response to any stimulation. She has NGT inserted on her right nares, and a dry,cracked lips was noted. I monitored her vital signs hourly, and stayed at the bed side for most of the times. I provided am care, gave her a bed bath, assisted in the nebulization, fed her, and kept her dry and comfortable at all times. She would moan to some movements I make her do. Her consciousness slips from time to time, and she really wouldn't talk. I asked her to kick my hand and squeeze it as well, and she did both with little strength, although I'm glad she followed because that's a good response.

I noticed a yellow rosary on her neck and her grandma explained that while I was out for beak, an old woman entered the ward and placed that rosary on her neck, said she has no one to give it to. A complete stranger. When I was back to feed my patient, she started doing the sign of the cross for so many times, and she was all of a sudden alert and much more aware of her surroundings. Whatever it is that made her do that, I'm happy she did it. It was that strength coming from a strong faith of a weak patient highlighted my day.

Strangers, in one way or another do make miracles. That old woman, whoever she is, who came in to give the rosary to my patient and brought her a sudden strength, has blessed me as well. It's funny how we never met, and never will; yet through my patient, God is once again revealed and reflected.

I'm grateful to have helped ease my patient's discomfort even just for a day. It was even just for eight hours. I'm happy because I was armed with God's Word and protection as I boldly rendered care to a TB Meningitis patient. When you're in that kind of hospital setting, your patient matters most to you. Your safety and protection only comes next. What's more fulfilling is that I left her talking; speaking to her mother through the phone. It was a goal met for me to leave her in her active mood; it's like she's sending me goodbye with an assurance that she'll soon be fine.

Yes, TB Meningitis may deteriorate her body, but her building faith on fire gives hope and strength to everyone around her. To me, especially.

Hebrews 13:2 - "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."