These Dreams

"Music Life" must be redundant, because the way I see it, and how I know you, music has become your life, especially that you pursue it in college and you serve the Lord best through it. I'm so proud of you, and all of your achievements, small or big. I'm certain those are stepping stones to your success. I am in fact inspired by your genuine love for music, that you spend each day humming to life's lovely melodies and tunes. And yes, while I don't know how it feels like to belong to a group of people in the music ministry, my heart sings as you sing, hoping to be with you as you give back all the glory to our Creator. 

I hope and pray that all your dreams will come true, in God's perfect time. You're a young man filled with so much love, good thoughts, and determination. I hope that you choose the right people to inspire and influence you as you go along with your journey. I wish that you'd be given several opportunities in your career, that you'd travel all over the world, making a name--in which when heard would automatically be tagged as one of the bests, one of the most humble, and one of the people who give back all success to the Master Musician. 

Of course, my hopes for you wouldn't come true unless you want it too, and unless you surrender it to God whose plans for you are way beyond anyone's thoughts. I just also hope and pray, like always, that you'd choose to be happy, healthy, and safe all the time.Often times, failures precede success, so let me remind you of God's promise in Romans 8:28 "We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His decree."

I'm writing this because I'd like to let you know that though we pursue very different courses, though there's nothing so much in common between the two of us when it comes to our goals of profession someday, I'd like you to know that what you do is also important to me, just as how much you give value to it. You and your activities, and your family are in my prayers. God bless you! 

Three Things I Want to Let EVERYONE Know

Thank you is all I can say to the person I consider one of the best people I have ever known my entire life.

I'll miss you is all I can say to the person whose personality clicked so much with mine. and when i say "I'll miss you," it means that I'll miss you, and everything about you and me. 

I'll love you always is all I can say to the person I have so much thoughts about; I have so much patience for; I have so much understanding for; and I have so much prayers for. I'll love you always is all I can say to the person who is a big part of my life; the one I gave chances to; the one I have many times thought of being my lifetime partner. I'll love you always is all I can say to the person whom God sent to enlighten me, comfort me, encourage me, understand me, be patient with me, make me laugh, make me cry, do favors for me, wait for me, and love me. I'll love you always is all I can say to the person whose whole being inspires and motivates me to love myself, and to continue being a blessing to others. I'll love you always is all I can say to the person I am very proud of, I admire so much, and I long to have insightful or foolish conversations with. I'll love you always is all I can say to you, because I do. I really do.

A Time For Everything

I haven't been updating my blog or my journal for 2 months now. It's quite

bothering that when a person is happy, he/she tends to forget to pause for a while

and reflect--at least I'm guilty on this one. When I was down and depressed, I

always write. But now that I have sensed bliss once again, I tend to pass on my

urge to tell about it. I find it bizarre. I mean, thinking now, why would someone not

recount about what makes him/her happy. Why am I not putting into details the

very reason behind my smile today?

Well maybe, I don't know where and how to start.

Here's a short background.

Maybe I'm still letting it sink in that after several tiring months of crying and feeling

no glow at all; something or someone happened and turned everything upside

down. My Heavenly Father has been very merciful and forgiving to even accept

me after I have disobeyed Him. And I wouldn't be brought back to reality--to the

severity of things that can't be undone--if it were not for His extended arms. And

slowly, by His grace I stopped crying and moved on from dwelling in the past. I

was taught to take each mistake I made as a stepping stone to a complete

awareness of my weaknesses. The things that broke me apart were in fact what I

will need for my recovery. I evaluated every wrong thing I committed and prayed

to God to help me not to relapse.

A little fast forward.

After realizing these vital points of what and what not to do; after wanting for

change, God had sent me someone from the past. Someone who does so much

things in an effort to make me feel loved. It was overwhelming, because it's been a

long time since I was treated that way by someone I am not related to by blood. It

was surreal. I was a bit struggling to grasp the fact that someone from the past

want me in the future. It freaked me out, yet I was so moved by the intention. I

prayed for it and I sought and even demanded for guidance from God. I said

"Lord, I don't want to commit the same mistakes that almost ruined my life."

The Happy Twist. 

It's true. I sensed bliss the moment this certain someone popped up like a

mushroom from nowhere. It was surprising. I was flabbergasted, and it boggled

my mind the way wiring get tangled at times creating sparks. It's like my languid

and depressed state was shocked with so much joules and suddenly I'm happy,

I'm smiling, and even crazy!

In all honesty, my craziness is unavoidable when it comes to this matter. I'm so

afraid to be so young at heart again and give way to too much curiosity. So I

made sure that in every day that this someone made me smile, smile like an overly

-excited-idiot I may add, I made sure to remind myself of the first things first.

The Career

I remind myself day and night of my chosen course. I want to have fulfillment in

this profession for most of the years of my life, I told myself--and I know, by

God's grace, that I can do that only if I stretch myself to reach more of my

potentials or to grab opportunities out there. And I know this someone will need to pursue

for his own, too.

Back to the Happy Twist.

So I talked to this someone, and I said that I think long distance courtship is better

than long distance relationship. I said that it's better because there's less pressure.

This someone might be thrilled, threatened, hurt, sad, anxious,afraid,or

whatsoever, I'm not sure; but I know that the best word would be "challenged,"

because I am, in fact challenged by my own plans. Once again, I sought God in

prayer asking for wisdom to deal with a precious sudden popping mushroom,

a.k.a "certain someone"/ "someone from the past"/ someone I want in MY future,

too. However, to think of it this early might exhaust me, so then again, I told God

"Let Your will be done, and thank You, because I'm learning each day."

My Smile

So if you ask me the reason behind my smile, well it would be the very life in this

thing called Life. Many would quote that "To Live is to Love," I wouldn't disagree.

And my smile is because I know what I've been through, I know whom God sent

to change that; and though uncertainties would often scare me, I know God has a

plan for me, for this someone, and for this someone & me. And while this

courtship is healthy, and I pray it will always be, I'd enjoy it thinking it is a gift from

God Himself for I know there's a time for everything.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 "A Time for Everything"

1 There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3     a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6     a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7     a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8     a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

Change

Have you ever been stuck in an awful situation, wherein all you could do is wish for it to end, by all means? Have you ever wondered what it would be like when strangers suddenly surround you and you're being lifted  on a stretcher because you have crashed your car, suicide in mind? Have you experienced waking up to a lonesome day just because that's how you perceive it? Well, I do. I did, rather. 

Changes are perpetual. People are capable of changing. Feelings can be unstable. Things aren't always constant. And with all these incessant alterations, I have learned to view it as part of the way things are in this world. Nothing is permanent.

I find no words to describe my heartache, all I know is that it has exhausted me very much. It has consumed most of my energy for having to think of it all day long. I squandered my happiness because I believed I deserved all the pain. I woke up each morning wiping the tears left from a tearful, sleepless night. I was in a deep sense of solitude, keeping those unsaid words and unexpressed thoughts to myself, hoping to be heard one day. I have been feeling this way for nine months.

What turned my life around are the people who cared enough to remind me of my self-worth; the books that have given me wisdom through every read; the experiences of people similar to mine that have encouraged me to keep going on; the support of my family, and my mother's pieces of advice that kept me stable; and above all else, the One Supreme Being, who has defined every bit of my hurt to be a blessing in disguise, and who has collected my tears, sustaining me with strength to get through all my struggles.

It took me nine months to accept reality and adapt to change. In those months, I was unaware that I was already being refined. I have gained back love and respect for myself, which truly amaze me how I was able to. I have been telling myself that for as long as the pain is there, God is still using it for His work. And now my anguish is little, just enough to remind me of things as they were.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Always rejoice, constantly pray, in everything give thanks. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."--and these are my practices, to keep me aware of God's love, to help me be contented with life and be thankful of experiences.

That terrible experience turned out to be a positive change. And with that, I am thankful. And to consider what I have gone through, or tolerated to happen, I believe that a person is truly capable of change. A good one. A new start. And this is the new path I'm traversing--CHANGE.

Halcyon of Yore

I got this phrase, Halcyon of Yore,  in John Green's book Papertowns. I was curious immediately after reading and inquired Mr. Dictionary for the meaning of the queer words used. It turned out to be a phrase of what I have always been wanting for such a long time, for halcyon (adj.) means -Idyllically calm and peaceful; suggesting happy tranquility; Marked by peace and prosperity. Yore is a noun meaning -Time long past.

The phrase suggests an event of pure peace in the yesteryear. How could anyone not want this? When you visualize in vivid flashbacks what happened when almost everything was at ease, calm, and hopeful of things, wouldn't you have the desire to bring it back or feel it again?

I guess I am guilty. I long to experience the halcyon of yore; to embrace the innocence of my childhood years once again. I do. I really do.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

Just visiting my old happy place. :)