I haven't been updating my blog or my journal for 2 months now. It's quite
bothering that when a person is happy, he/she tends to forget to pause for a while
and reflect--at least I'm guilty on this one. When I was down and depressed, I
always write. But now that I have sensed bliss once again, I tend to pass on my
urge to tell about it. I find it bizarre. I mean, thinking now, why would someone not
recount about what makes him/her happy. Why am I not putting into details the
very reason behind my smile today?
Well maybe, I don't know where and how to start.
Here's a short background.
Maybe I'm still letting it sink in that after several tiring months of crying and feeling
no glow at all; something or someone happened and turned everything upside
down. My Heavenly Father has been very merciful and forgiving to even accept
me after I have disobeyed Him. And I wouldn't be brought back to reality--to the
severity of things that can't be undone--if it were not for His extended arms. And
slowly, by His grace I stopped crying and moved on from dwelling in the past. I
was taught to take each mistake I made as a stepping stone to a complete
awareness of my weaknesses. The things that broke me apart were in fact what I
will need for my recovery. I evaluated every wrong thing I committed and prayed
to God to help me not to relapse.
A little fast forward.
After realizing these vital points of what and what not to do; after wanting for
change, God had sent me someone from the past. Someone who does so much
things in an effort to make me feel loved. It was overwhelming, because it's been a
long time since I was treated that way by someone I am not related to by blood. It
was surreal. I was a bit struggling to grasp the fact that someone from the past
want me in the future. It freaked me out, yet I was so moved by the intention. I
prayed for it and I sought and even demanded for guidance from God. I said
"Lord, I don't want to commit the same mistakes that almost ruined my life."
The Happy Twist.
It's true. I sensed bliss the moment this certain someone popped up like a
mushroom from nowhere. It was surprising. I was flabbergasted, and it boggled
my mind the way wiring get tangled at times creating sparks. It's like my languid
and depressed state was shocked with so much joules and suddenly I'm happy,
I'm smiling, and even crazy!
In all honesty, my craziness is unavoidable when it comes to this matter. I'm so
afraid to be so young at heart again and give way to too much curiosity. So I
made sure that in every day that this someone made me smile, smile like an overly
-excited-idiot I may add, I made sure to remind myself of the first things first.
The Career
I remind myself day and night of my chosen course. I want to have fulfillment in
this profession for most of the years of my life, I told myself--and I know, by
God's grace, that I can do that only if I stretch myself to reach more of my
potentials or to grab opportunities out there. And I know this someone will need to pursue
for his own, too.
Back to the Happy Twist.
So I talked to this someone, and I said that I think long distance courtship is better
than long distance relationship. I said that it's better because there's less pressure.
This someone might be thrilled, threatened, hurt, sad, anxious,afraid,or
whatsoever, I'm not sure; but I know that the best word would be "challenged,"
because I am, in fact challenged by my own plans. Once again, I sought God in
prayer asking for wisdom to deal with a precious sudden popping mushroom,
a.k.a "certain someone"/ "someone from the past"/ someone I want in MY future,
too. However, to think of it this early might exhaust me, so then again, I told God
"Let Your will be done, and thank You, because I'm learning each day."
My Smile
So if you ask me the reason behind my smile, well it would be the very life in this
thing called Life. Many would quote that "To Live is to Love," I wouldn't disagree.
And my smile is because I know what I've been through, I know whom God sent
to change that; and though uncertainties would often scare me, I know God has a
plan for me, for this someone, and for this someone & me. And while this
courtship is healthy, and I pray it will always be, I'd enjoy it thinking it is a gift from
God Himself for I know there's a time for everything.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 "A Time for Everything"
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
