Change

Have you ever been stuck in an awful situation, wherein all you could do is wish for it to end, by all means? Have you ever wondered what it would be like when strangers suddenly surround you and you're being lifted  on a stretcher because you have crashed your car, suicide in mind? Have you experienced waking up to a lonesome day just because that's how you perceive it? Well, I do. I did, rather. 

Changes are perpetual. People are capable of changing. Feelings can be unstable. Things aren't always constant. And with all these incessant alterations, I have learned to view it as part of the way things are in this world. Nothing is permanent.

I find no words to describe my heartache, all I know is that it has exhausted me very much. It has consumed most of my energy for having to think of it all day long. I squandered my happiness because I believed I deserved all the pain. I woke up each morning wiping the tears left from a tearful, sleepless night. I was in a deep sense of solitude, keeping those unsaid words and unexpressed thoughts to myself, hoping to be heard one day. I have been feeling this way for nine months.

What turned my life around are the people who cared enough to remind me of my self-worth; the books that have given me wisdom through every read; the experiences of people similar to mine that have encouraged me to keep going on; the support of my family, and my mother's pieces of advice that kept me stable; and above all else, the One Supreme Being, who has defined every bit of my hurt to be a blessing in disguise, and who has collected my tears, sustaining me with strength to get through all my struggles.

It took me nine months to accept reality and adapt to change. In those months, I was unaware that I was already being refined. I have gained back love and respect for myself, which truly amaze me how I was able to. I have been telling myself that for as long as the pain is there, God is still using it for His work. And now my anguish is little, just enough to remind me of things as they were.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Always rejoice, constantly pray, in everything give thanks. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."--and these are my practices, to keep me aware of God's love, to help me be contented with life and be thankful of experiences.

That terrible experience turned out to be a positive change. And with that, I am thankful. And to consider what I have gone through, or tolerated to happen, I believe that a person is truly capable of change. A good one. A new start. And this is the new path I'm traversing--CHANGE.